So….I fell off the weight loss wagon and made a crater the size of London underneath me!
I hate this. I’m so ashamed and disappointed in myself words can barely begin to describe.
I’ve fallen off the wagon, the slimming world diet, eating healthy, exercising….just about every healthy wagon in my life I’ve fallen off and not lightly. I know why and how it happened but that doesn’t comfort me in all honesty.
There’s a huge part of me doesn’t want to write and publish this post, which is why it’s taken me so long because, in a strange way it makes my failure real and I know that sounds stupid because it’s clearly real. You an I can see the weight I’ve put on, I can feel the weight, but just admitting it to you all here publicly is so hard because not only do I feel like I’ve let myself down, but I’ve also let you down.
“This is it”
Went I started slimming world and started losing weight more than I had in the past I said to myself “This is it, I’m never putting this weight back on again, ever!”, I so adamant about that. I just thought what was the point, why ruin all the effort I’ve put it only to have to do it all again. I’ve seen people before lose loads of weight to only then put it back on, we’ve all seen that right?
Sure some were crash dieters and that was bound to happen with them, full stop, others were slimming world and weight watchers and they’d done really well only to lose it a year/two in and I kinda just looked at them and thought “WHY?!?!? How have you let that happen, all that effort you put it, wasted!”.
I think that’s why it’s taken me so long to admit to you all, because of the way I’ve looked at people before I thought that’s the way I’d get looked at and I was simply ashamed at myself.
I now know the WHY, well for me anyway. Things got on top of me and my weight loss took second, third, fourth place all the way till it wasn’t even on my radar anymore.
I started a new job early last year driving lorries with a new company and the hours were mental, don’t get me wrong I’m not afraid of working long hours and love earning money but doing 15 hours shifts with only 9 hours between finishing and starting the next left me no time at all to do anything towards my diet. I had time to shower, eat something as quick as possible and then try and get as much sleep as I could before starting again.
By the time the weekend rolled around I was so knackered all I wanted to do was have a lay-in and relax. The last thing I wanted to do was start cooking or go to the gym for a workout!
The diet took the back seat
It was a massive change from my previous job that I was in when I lost all the weight, I started at 9 and finished at 5 sharp, I knew when and even where I would have my lunch break, the whole job was just a well organised routine that I knew inside out.
Starting at 9 gave me the opportunity to go to the gym before work and it was that kind of job that even if I was 20 mins late I could quite easily catch up, and being home by 5:30/6pm was sweet, I used to make my sandwiches for the next day’s lunch, cooked my dinner for that night and even done some bulk cooking for the coming week.
Everything ran like clockwork and when that I lost all that free time and routine, my exercise, my diet, my cooking, planning and preparation all went down the drain.
Back to square one!
I’ve now hit rock bottom. I’ve put all the weight I’d lost back on which just sucks. I’m quite literally back to square one.
Now it’s time I picked myself up sorted things once and for all, I’ve had enough of this, it needs to stop, not just for 6 months or a year, it needs to be for life. Period.
I’ve re-joined slimming world and I AM going to lose all the weight I have before, and more this time, but what I’m going to try and do is put my health, weight loss, fitness and planning at a higher level of importance on “life’s to-do list” and not treat it like something that can be sacrificed, forgotten and swept under the rug when things get tough.
I need find a balance where nothing gets left behind, I need to mould my life around losing weight and eating healthy, not just because I’m sick and tired of failing, nor solely for my health, it’s about being happy and balanced to do everything I want to do with my life in every aspect. Losing weight, being fit and healthy will do nothing but positive things and help me achieve everything else I want to achieve.
Time to fight the beast
I know I’m not the only one out there that’s fallen. I also know that everyone single one of you that have fallen like me wants to get back up and fight this beast just like I do.
So why don’t we? Let’s do it together, stronger than ever. Deep down I know we can win, I know we can achieve everything we want, if we want it bad enough….the question is….
Do you really want to lose weight, get healthy and live the life you dream of? I F%$K!NG DO!